:D Will it ever end?
So we're kinda not calling it off forever. I'm quite content this way tbh. I like it. I'm trying really hard not to text him as much, and to be less annoying in general. Nothing's concrete. I mean we haven't said 'oh we're getting back together', and I don't plan on getting my hopes up either, I think... we're really doing the right thing this time. I think he's right, we do have something very special, we are supposed to be together and in a sense, it's like we're doing this now so it'll work later. I'm commited to this. But, I don't want it to be everything. I did, once. But now I really just want it to be there... be secure, not have to worry and get on with everything else.

Weirdly enough I'm sorta really okay with the Laura thing to the point where I almost think he'd be better off with her. Or at least I just couldn't get in the way of their friendship. My friends have been so fucking important to me lately and, at the end of the day, Josh is just a guy. I mean, he's become a really important person but Sian, Andrew, Foy, Sundean & atm... Chris, literally dunno where the fuck I'd be without them. Especially Andrew & Sian. So, when I put into how I'd feel if I had to make a choice between my best friend in the whole world (and that's what she is, even though he claims not to have best friends) and Josh... well I'd pick them. This may be the first time I actually mean that as well. It's dumb. It still upsets me, I mean... I don't get why she can't just accept me... but then, that doesn't matter, I really don't want to get in between that. I really couldn't forgive myself. So I figure I distance myself for a bit. Give him some time, let him work it out and hopefully if he decides he does want me, it'll be for the right reasons.

I don't want anyone else :) Still. Ever. (yet). But I have far larger things to worry about. I miss him, a lot... everyday. But it doesn't really hurt anymore. Anyway, I have 2000 words to write for tommorow. I'ma get cracking! :)